Grey's Anatomy and i do not mix. at all. the brooding indie music, Meredith's indecisiveness, and McDreamy. ugh! i want everyone to be happy but there's always drama or some Cohen song playing in the background to bring the tears out. it's Imogen Heap and the OC all over again. for once, i'd lke to watch a show with a kick-ass soundtrack that wasn't sad, depressing, or anything negative.
well then.
maybe this says something about my music taste.
i do like 90's emo like Braid, Jawbreaker... oh god. i'm the sad one. oh no.

if there was a way i  could sync up blogger with tumblr, i would have never fallen behind. my main "blog" is my tumblog and i loooove it. i've had a tumblr for five-ish years now, and i run about twenty blogs through one email. they range from subject-specific blogs, to rant blogs. one blog i created back in high school is fashioned after bob dylan. i used one of his many aliases as the url, and the blog title was from a song of his. i thought it was pretty clever, but looking back on it..... i bitched a lot about things that didn't matter.

i'm not even sure when these were due, but boy was i slacking. these past couple of weeks have been slack fests, but i'm freaking exhausted. this makes no sense to me. i just want to hurry up and graduate and move the heck on. maybe. i'm still unsure on my career path. law school is starting to look like a pipe dream of sorts, and i sort of don't have a back up. computer science would be fun, but my boyfriend/boothang has a degree in that. life needs to be a bit easier, maybe. possibly?

l.i.f.e.g.o.e.s.o.n.

isn't that what they say? no matter what happens, you move on. you go on. it's like driving for the first time and you hit a pothole. you can either pull over on the side of the road and give up, or you ca go on, knowing there's more pot holes.
the first one is always the hardest. i just reeeeaaaaaalllllllyy want to get over this first one so i can move on and get happy again.

i really hate it when i know there's something wrong, something going on, and no one tells me. seriously, if i keep bringing the subject matter up, then i might have an idea of it. you might as well tell me and get it over with. buuhhhh people are stupid and feelings are stupid and i just want to sleep for forever.

sleep.

i need to work on my nerves. i can’t keep getting wound tight and then releasing everything that’s built up. it’s not healthy, and it’s not productive. i mean, i try conventional methods of handling my anger, frustration, and every other negative emotion, and nothing seems to work. i keep getting myself worked up over the smallest of things, then i schedule things so that they intertwine, and i know i’m doing this and i hate that i continue to allow myself to do this. 

just.

ugh.

i want to fucking rest. i want a day where i don’t have to worry about school. about my family. about humanity. about me. 

i just want to sleep. read a book. lay around with my cats. lay around with my boy. 

i want to be blissfully happy for more than 5 minutes. i want to savor the moments, rather than have something “pop up” to ruin it all. 

it’s amazing how hours worth of bliss can be reduced to nothing in seconds. 

it truly is.

thankfully, it’s just as easy for my mood to change for the better, but it takes a lot to do so. once i’m down, i’m out for the count. (most days)

certain people and things (ie Finch, Sigur Ros, and my cats) can change my mood for the better within seconds. 

thank god.

lord.

i was going to post about Kony 2012 and how much it angered me, but that doesn't directly interfere with my day-to-day life. sooooooo i'll rant a little about school, my boyfriend, and my family.
 i'm supposed to graduate at the end of this semester, and it's freaking me the fuck out. i think i'm failing my economics class and i need that to graduate. ugh, if anything, i'll come out with a D and barrreelly make it. on top of me graduating, my boyfriend graduates as well, and he's fielding job offers from across the US. i reeaally hope he stays with CCIT for a while.
hell, knowing me and my luck, we won't be a couple by the time we graduate. i have major trust issues and this past week has been testing my limits. he doesn't seem like the type to be hiding anything, but i'm not the best judge of a person's character. ugh. i just feel shitty about the whole situation.
 last, but not least, my family is uber-stress inducing. my mom doesn't understand that 8am classes are hell, and i refuse to wake up at 4am just to start getting ready and bareelly make it on time.

blargity-blargh

i absolutely looove going to concerts and shows. music is seriously my life, and i can't wait until tonight. a good friend of mine, and her band, are releasing an album and we're going to dance and drink the night away. hopefully the show will have the energy the band does, and won't bore me. i think the most "boring" show i went to was back in '07ish when Willie Nelson was playing with Bob Dylan and John Mellencamp. don't get me wrong, i love those guys, but there was absolutely no energy or stage presence. ugh. i think the best show(s) i've been to were Anberlin, Into it. Over it., and Thursday. Anberlin, because they were my favorite band at the time. Into it. Over it, because it was a tiny venue and soo much pop-punk. ugh. i love pop-punk. and Evan, the dude from Into it. , played my favorite song and told me happy birthday Thursday? i cried. i cried so so much. i've listened to these guys since middle school and to hear they were breaking up? ugh ugh ugh. That, and thefact that my boyfriend surprised me with tickets to their final show. the lead singer was sick,so it was mainly the audience singing and we eventually got on the stage and sang/cried together. i will never, ever, ever forget that night. hell, i was singing/screaming so much i threw up, but i was so fucking happy.

last minute

it seems as though i have a knack for doing things at the last possible second. in the lower right-hand side of my screen, my computer's clock is saying it's 11:56am and this blog post is due in 4 minutes. man oh man, i hope i can make the deadline. i'm usually riiiiiight on the line, and it's a good and bad thing. mainly a bad thing. i should start working on things ahead of time and  getting them taking care of and out of the way, but i think the adrenaline of working against the clock is a motivator of sorts. 11:58pm. it's like a cram session the night before a big test; you know you're going to regret it in a few hours, but the grade will be worth it. it's not like you don't recall the information in a few days anyways, contrary to popular belief. living on the edge is something i do well, it seems. 11:59pm

you know what really grinds my gears?

anyone that's around me for any length of time will tell you i get annoyed very easily. my boyfriend has told me, on more than one occasion, that everything pisses me off. he's correct, to some extent. it's more of a this-is-common-sense-and-you're-dumb-as-hell sort of thing. hmm, i guess i should list out a few of the things that have really pissed me off lately. 

• Dell

for starters, your company has shitty customer service. i would like to call and hat with a person who knows the difference between a hard-drive problem and a screen defect. secondly, if i close my laptop and go to get a drink of some sort, i expect my screen to be free from cracks when i return to my netflix. i don't think lcd leakage was listed as a specification or extra. oh, and this was most certainly a manufacture's defect and should have been covered under warranty. i'm glad you tried getting me to install a screen by myself though, that's reaaalll smart. ugh. i just want to watch grey's anatomy in peace, not pieces. 

• Ron Paul 

oh dear lord. where do i even start? for starters, he's a horrible human being and his platform is a load of bull. he's convincing people that he's for "freedom" and "civil liberties" while planning to strip away what few rights women, minorities, and the lgbtq community have. Like, okay, i get it. you're a privileged white cis-male.you like to meddle in things you don't understand. you don't understand the benefits of herbal birth controls, so you want to do away with them. you don't understand women's bodies but you somehow think you can control them via law. you don't understand how a man doesn't have to like a woman. you don't understand how a man doesn't have to be a "man" at all. okay. oh, and i doubt you took the time in your life to learn another language, so you don't understand the minorities at all. we get that, but dude. don't take away something you have no right to touch. until you grow a uterus and can deal with the problems women face, you have no fucking right to dictate what i do with mine. until you live in the shoes of a minority and deal with the prejudice they endure on a day to day basis, you have no right to legislate how they live their lives. ugh. i think the worst part of him is his mindless followers of every demographic ever. well, sometimes. most are middle-class (el oh el) white males with little-to-no college education who think they know how the world works and thinks he's okay because LOL DRUGZ. then there's the bandwagoners who just want to fit in. then the racists. then the ...you get the picture. i just want to smack them all in the face and knock some sense into them. since i have neither the time or the resources to do so, i'll settle with knocking down every sign he has in anderson, clemson, and the surrounding counties. 

• gender stereotyping

if you're a female, you have to look, act, dress, and present yourself a certain way. ugh it's such a load of bull. if i don't feel like shaving my armpits for a few weeks, that doesn't make me any less a girl than the one  who has razor bumps everywhere. i like to wear guy clothes. i like guy things. so i must be a dyke right? nope. i like dresses and pink too, but just not as much. why is everything based on appearances anyways? why can't we do whatever we want with our bodies and just let others be? no one really "fits" the mold any way. 

• people who fail to signal while driving

i'm not going to play "eeny, meany, miney, mo" with where you're going and hope i'm right. no. it's a basic rule of driving for christ's sake! we''re not mind readers, we don't know where you're going and UGH don't you dare fail to signal and get behind me, just to ride my bumper. i will go as slow as a grandma on the way to her eye appointment. buh.