Grey's Anatomy and i do not mix. at all. the brooding indie music, Meredith's indecisiveness, and McDreamy. ugh! i want everyone to be happy but there's always drama or some Cohen song playing in the background to bring the tears out. it's Imogen Heap and the OC all over again. for once, i'd lke to watch a show with a kick-ass soundtrack that wasn't sad, depressing, or anything negative.
well then.
maybe this says something about my music taste.
i do like 90's emo like Braid, Jawbreaker... oh god. i'm the sad one. oh no.

if there was a way i  could sync up blogger with tumblr, i would have never fallen behind. my main "blog" is my tumblog and i loooove it. i've had a tumblr for five-ish years now, and i run about twenty blogs through one email. they range from subject-specific blogs, to rant blogs. one blog i created back in high school is fashioned after bob dylan. i used one of his many aliases as the url, and the blog title was from a song of his. i thought it was pretty clever, but looking back on it..... i bitched a lot about things that didn't matter.

i'm not even sure when these were due, but boy was i slacking. these past couple of weeks have been slack fests, but i'm freaking exhausted. this makes no sense to me. i just want to hurry up and graduate and move the heck on. maybe. i'm still unsure on my career path. law school is starting to look like a pipe dream of sorts, and i sort of don't have a back up. computer science would be fun, but my boyfriend/boothang has a degree in that. life needs to be a bit easier, maybe. possibly?

l.i.f.e.g.o.e.s.o.n.

isn't that what they say? no matter what happens, you move on. you go on. it's like driving for the first time and you hit a pothole. you can either pull over on the side of the road and give up, or you ca go on, knowing there's more pot holes.
the first one is always the hardest. i just reeeeaaaaaalllllllyy want to get over this first one so i can move on and get happy again.

i really hate it when i know there's something wrong, something going on, and no one tells me. seriously, if i keep bringing the subject matter up, then i might have an idea of it. you might as well tell me and get it over with. buuhhhh people are stupid and feelings are stupid and i just want to sleep for forever.

sleep.

i need to work on my nerves. i can’t keep getting wound tight and then releasing everything that’s built up. it’s not healthy, and it’s not productive. i mean, i try conventional methods of handling my anger, frustration, and every other negative emotion, and nothing seems to work. i keep getting myself worked up over the smallest of things, then i schedule things so that they intertwine, and i know i’m doing this and i hate that i continue to allow myself to do this. 

just.

ugh.

i want to fucking rest. i want a day where i don’t have to worry about school. about my family. about humanity. about me. 

i just want to sleep. read a book. lay around with my cats. lay around with my boy. 

i want to be blissfully happy for more than 5 minutes. i want to savor the moments, rather than have something “pop up” to ruin it all. 

it’s amazing how hours worth of bliss can be reduced to nothing in seconds. 

it truly is.

thankfully, it’s just as easy for my mood to change for the better, but it takes a lot to do so. once i’m down, i’m out for the count. (most days)

certain people and things (ie Finch, Sigur Ros, and my cats) can change my mood for the better within seconds. 

thank god.

lord.

i was going to post about Kony 2012 and how much it angered me, but that doesn't directly interfere with my day-to-day life. sooooooo i'll rant a little about school, my boyfriend, and my family.
 i'm supposed to graduate at the end of this semester, and it's freaking me the fuck out. i think i'm failing my economics class and i need that to graduate. ugh, if anything, i'll come out with a D and barrreelly make it. on top of me graduating, my boyfriend graduates as well, and he's fielding job offers from across the US. i reeaally hope he stays with CCIT for a while.
hell, knowing me and my luck, we won't be a couple by the time we graduate. i have major trust issues and this past week has been testing my limits. he doesn't seem like the type to be hiding anything, but i'm not the best judge of a person's character. ugh. i just feel shitty about the whole situation.
 last, but not least, my family is uber-stress inducing. my mom doesn't understand that 8am classes are hell, and i refuse to wake up at 4am just to start getting ready and bareelly make it on time.